Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
