I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
