Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize