its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
