I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is classic penis vs brain.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
