I will die if light touches me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
