Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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