whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
did i walk over a car last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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