Non-Jews are for practice
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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