just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
