Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize