Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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