did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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