I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
