I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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