and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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