so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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