I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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