I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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