so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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