I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
