We're like a lot better than the average bears
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you told grandpa to call you daddy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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