make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
