I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
