false alarm. still invincible.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
