Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
