I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
