I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night