i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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