Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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