I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
