I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
