adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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