I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
