capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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