he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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