is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
