the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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