It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
