I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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