so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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