Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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