In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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