Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
