when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
