carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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