Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
