i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
