i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
