I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize