Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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