My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please come you make the beer taste better
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
