If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize