remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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