Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
