nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
