No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
