As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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