I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
