Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
