Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
