he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
