only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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