Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
